Too often, singles fill their lives with friends, activities and vocations to combat their loneliness.
I will be the first to admit that this happens. I know some of you are saying, "I'm not lonely." Let me also be the first to tell you that you're not being honest with yourself. The more we inundate ourselves with draining relationships, pointless studies and slave labor, the less room we're going to have to nurture a relationship. Allow me to explain:
Friendships: Many singles tend to make a LOT of friends after a break-up. The truth is that all of the companionship you once enjoyed is now gone. Consequently, we attempt to fill the void by initiating friendships with anyone who will give us the time of day. You'll also re-kindle all of those friendships that you had before. So, what's the harm?
"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)
Are you making and maintaining the right friendships? Do these people lift you up? Do they support you? Do they encourage you? Or do you spend the majority of your time together huffing on the end of a RediWhip can and leaving brown paper-bags on doorsteps? It's better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. This goes for friends, too. When you meet someone, it's a natural fact that you won't spend as much time with your friends (but you'll still make time for them). True friendships pick-up right where they left off. Make sure that you leave enough of your heart prepared to share with someone special.
Activities: Singles tend to have about 50 hobbies at any given time. We'll also start using our mental muscle to absorb all of the information around us. We'll read books we don't enjoy or understand, sign up for that underwater basket-weaving class at the local community college and blog continuously. So, what's the big deal?
"Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts." Proverbs 4:23 (GN)
Are we really feeding our minds or are we distracting them from the right thoughts? A quiet and peaceful mind is much more beneficial in a relationship than a tired, busy one. Don't fill your schedule with empty tasks.
Vocations: A lot of singles bury themselves in work to keep their thoughts and emotions from dealing with the single-life. We essentially never learn to deal with the issue. We pour the better years of our lives into a job. In most cases, it's to pad someone's bank-account - not to help and minister to others. Whose approval are we seeking? Our boss? Our own? Our peers? The money?
"But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His Kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right) and then all these things taken together will be given you besides" Matthew 6:33 (AMP)
I certainly don't want the company logo on my tombstone. I want to leave my mark in this world by the number of people I helped and loved - not the sales I generated or the costs I cut.
My point: Granted, when I meet that special-someone, my friends will see a little less of me, the blogs will slow and I'll quit my job (okay, probably not). However, be careful of the company you keep, the things you do and the job that is NOT your life. Always be ready for what God has next for you. If you're not careful, you might miss it. It's okay to be single. It's okay to slow down.
Goodnight,
James
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
Perception and Truth.
Believe it or not, this blog was already written in its entirety. It was eloquent, insightful, informative and funny - a true masterpiece. Then, I freakin' lost it... Myspace has too many users for it to function properly even 10 percent of the time. And now, ladies and gentleman, without further ado - the blog I've already written!
I would like to pose the following question: What do we do when being open and honest has the potential to change someone's perception of other people? I've been struggling with this all week. I wrote a shorty last night. The following material is the result of that tiny blog after it has grown in my mind for over 24 hours. All of the following events are true. Only the names, locations and events have been altered...
Fact: Perception may not be the truth about you, but perception is often what people use to make their decisions about you.
Life: People often ask me why my son's mother and I are not together anymore. I usually don't respond to this question - at least with any detail. It's an attempt to eliminate any bias and maintain dignity and integrity between us. My failure to answer said question gives the perception that I am being dishonest (that I have something to hide). The truth is that no one should have to endure the things that I had to go through. However, the truth would violently shift a person's perception of my ex. Remember - specific, behavioral-based FACTS!
Friendships: I recently had a friendship that fell-through. The truth is that our relationship was NOT a friendship. This person often brought me down, failed to keep promises, took advantage of my good-nature and never supported me. Unfortunately, we shared some mutual friends. Once again, the truth would greatly alter our friends' perception of said individual.
Work: I once managed a very polite, cheerful and friendly employee. However, this employee never produced any work. When I requested performance feedback from other people who had managed this employee before, they always said, "Oh, so-and-so is really nice." That was not the question that I had asked. When I was asked by my supervisor about so-and-so's performance, I was truthful in my response. My statement was based on specific, behavioral-based examples of so-and-so's failure to meet expectations. I was immediately scolded for providing such feedback. My honesty threatened to change the perception of said employee, not to mention my job.
Christianity: As if being a Christian isn't hard enough, we are continually required to redeem ourselves for foolish stunts like these. Christians quickly form perceptions of other people (non-believers) as well as other Christians. Many people have been put-off by Christianity, God, faith and religion. Can you blame them? I'm not saying that it's right to give up, but I can easily see why someone would react in this manner. We, as Christians have to concede to the truth that we are sinners. We cannot be hypocritical.
The answer: Are you ready for this? Honesty is the most important. Perceptions will always change - it's a flavor of the week. Truth is forever. So why is it so hard to be honest? Because it means that we will often stand alone - isolated by our peers. Why do we get so defensive and angry when we have to change our perceptions in light of what we know is true? Because it means we were wrong! It's okay - we're human!
The point: There will always be multiple sides to every story. Make sure to dismiss your perceptions. Seek the truth. It's not that hard to find - there's only one place you have to look...
God bless,
James
I would like to pose the following question: What do we do when being open and honest has the potential to change someone's perception of other people? I've been struggling with this all week. I wrote a shorty last night. The following material is the result of that tiny blog after it has grown in my mind for over 24 hours. All of the following events are true. Only the names, locations and events have been altered...
Fact: Perception may not be the truth about you, but perception is often what people use to make their decisions about you.
Life: People often ask me why my son's mother and I are not together anymore. I usually don't respond to this question - at least with any detail. It's an attempt to eliminate any bias and maintain dignity and integrity between us. My failure to answer said question gives the perception that I am being dishonest (that I have something to hide). The truth is that no one should have to endure the things that I had to go through. However, the truth would violently shift a person's perception of my ex. Remember - specific, behavioral-based FACTS!
Friendships: I recently had a friendship that fell-through. The truth is that our relationship was NOT a friendship. This person often brought me down, failed to keep promises, took advantage of my good-nature and never supported me. Unfortunately, we shared some mutual friends. Once again, the truth would greatly alter our friends' perception of said individual.
Work: I once managed a very polite, cheerful and friendly employee. However, this employee never produced any work. When I requested performance feedback from other people who had managed this employee before, they always said, "Oh, so-and-so is really nice." That was not the question that I had asked. When I was asked by my supervisor about so-and-so's performance, I was truthful in my response. My statement was based on specific, behavioral-based examples of so-and-so's failure to meet expectations. I was immediately scolded for providing such feedback. My honesty threatened to change the perception of said employee, not to mention my job.
Christianity: As if being a Christian isn't hard enough, we are continually required to redeem ourselves for foolish stunts like these. Christians quickly form perceptions of other people (non-believers) as well as other Christians. Many people have been put-off by Christianity, God, faith and religion. Can you blame them? I'm not saying that it's right to give up, but I can easily see why someone would react in this manner. We, as Christians have to concede to the truth that we are sinners. We cannot be hypocritical.
The answer: Are you ready for this? Honesty is the most important. Perceptions will always change - it's a flavor of the week. Truth is forever. So why is it so hard to be honest? Because it means that we will often stand alone - isolated by our peers. Why do we get so defensive and angry when we have to change our perceptions in light of what we know is true? Because it means we were wrong! It's okay - we're human!
The point: There will always be multiple sides to every story. Make sure to dismiss your perceptions. Seek the truth. It's not that hard to find - there's only one place you have to look...
God bless,
James
Sunday, September 2, 2007
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