Too often, singles fill their lives with friends, activities and vocations to combat their loneliness.
I will be the first to admit that this happens. I know some of you are saying, "I'm not lonely." Let me also be the first to tell you that you're not being honest with yourself. The more we inundate ourselves with draining relationships, pointless studies and slave labor, the less room we're going to have to nurture a relationship. Allow me to explain:
Friendships: Many singles tend to make a LOT of friends after a break-up. The truth is that all of the companionship you once enjoyed is now gone. Consequently, we attempt to fill the void by initiating friendships with anyone who will give us the time of day. You'll also re-kindle all of those friendships that you had before. So, what's the harm?
"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)
Are you making and maintaining the right friendships? Do these people lift you up? Do they support you? Do they encourage you? Or do you spend the majority of your time together huffing on the end of a RediWhip can and leaving brown paper-bags on doorsteps? It's better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. This goes for friends, too. When you meet someone, it's a natural fact that you won't spend as much time with your friends (but you'll still make time for them). True friendships pick-up right where they left off. Make sure that you leave enough of your heart prepared to share with someone special.
Activities: Singles tend to have about 50 hobbies at any given time. We'll also start using our mental muscle to absorb all of the information around us. We'll read books we don't enjoy or understand, sign up for that underwater basket-weaving class at the local community college and blog continuously. So, what's the big deal?
"Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts." Proverbs 4:23 (GN)
Are we really feeding our minds or are we distracting them from the right thoughts? A quiet and peaceful mind is much more beneficial in a relationship than a tired, busy one. Don't fill your schedule with empty tasks.
Vocations: A lot of singles bury themselves in work to keep their thoughts and emotions from dealing with the single-life. We essentially never learn to deal with the issue. We pour the better years of our lives into a job. In most cases, it's to pad someone's bank-account - not to help and minister to others. Whose approval are we seeking? Our boss? Our own? Our peers? The money?
"But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His Kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right) and then all these things taken together will be given you besides" Matthew 6:33 (AMP)
I certainly don't want the company logo on my tombstone. I want to leave my mark in this world by the number of people I helped and loved - not the sales I generated or the costs I cut.
My point: Granted, when I meet that special-someone, my friends will see a little less of me, the blogs will slow and I'll quit my job (okay, probably not). However, be careful of the company you keep, the things you do and the job that is NOT your life. Always be ready for what God has next for you. If you're not careful, you might miss it. It's okay to be single. It's okay to slow down.
Goodnight,
James
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
Perception and Truth.
Believe it or not, this blog was already written in its entirety. It was eloquent, insightful, informative and funny - a true masterpiece. Then, I freakin' lost it... Myspace has too many users for it to function properly even 10 percent of the time. And now, ladies and gentleman, without further ado - the blog I've already written!
I would like to pose the following question: What do we do when being open and honest has the potential to change someone's perception of other people? I've been struggling with this all week. I wrote a shorty last night. The following material is the result of that tiny blog after it has grown in my mind for over 24 hours. All of the following events are true. Only the names, locations and events have been altered...
Fact: Perception may not be the truth about you, but perception is often what people use to make their decisions about you.
Life: People often ask me why my son's mother and I are not together anymore. I usually don't respond to this question - at least with any detail. It's an attempt to eliminate any bias and maintain dignity and integrity between us. My failure to answer said question gives the perception that I am being dishonest (that I have something to hide). The truth is that no one should have to endure the things that I had to go through. However, the truth would violently shift a person's perception of my ex. Remember - specific, behavioral-based FACTS!
Friendships: I recently had a friendship that fell-through. The truth is that our relationship was NOT a friendship. This person often brought me down, failed to keep promises, took advantage of my good-nature and never supported me. Unfortunately, we shared some mutual friends. Once again, the truth would greatly alter our friends' perception of said individual.
Work: I once managed a very polite, cheerful and friendly employee. However, this employee never produced any work. When I requested performance feedback from other people who had managed this employee before, they always said, "Oh, so-and-so is really nice." That was not the question that I had asked. When I was asked by my supervisor about so-and-so's performance, I was truthful in my response. My statement was based on specific, behavioral-based examples of so-and-so's failure to meet expectations. I was immediately scolded for providing such feedback. My honesty threatened to change the perception of said employee, not to mention my job.
Christianity: As if being a Christian isn't hard enough, we are continually required to redeem ourselves for foolish stunts like these. Christians quickly form perceptions of other people (non-believers) as well as other Christians. Many people have been put-off by Christianity, God, faith and religion. Can you blame them? I'm not saying that it's right to give up, but I can easily see why someone would react in this manner. We, as Christians have to concede to the truth that we are sinners. We cannot be hypocritical.
The answer: Are you ready for this? Honesty is the most important. Perceptions will always change - it's a flavor of the week. Truth is forever. So why is it so hard to be honest? Because it means that we will often stand alone - isolated by our peers. Why do we get so defensive and angry when we have to change our perceptions in light of what we know is true? Because it means we were wrong! It's okay - we're human!
The point: There will always be multiple sides to every story. Make sure to dismiss your perceptions. Seek the truth. It's not that hard to find - there's only one place you have to look...
God bless,
James
I would like to pose the following question: What do we do when being open and honest has the potential to change someone's perception of other people? I've been struggling with this all week. I wrote a shorty last night. The following material is the result of that tiny blog after it has grown in my mind for over 24 hours. All of the following events are true. Only the names, locations and events have been altered...
Fact: Perception may not be the truth about you, but perception is often what people use to make their decisions about you.
Life: People often ask me why my son's mother and I are not together anymore. I usually don't respond to this question - at least with any detail. It's an attempt to eliminate any bias and maintain dignity and integrity between us. My failure to answer said question gives the perception that I am being dishonest (that I have something to hide). The truth is that no one should have to endure the things that I had to go through. However, the truth would violently shift a person's perception of my ex. Remember - specific, behavioral-based FACTS!
Friendships: I recently had a friendship that fell-through. The truth is that our relationship was NOT a friendship. This person often brought me down, failed to keep promises, took advantage of my good-nature and never supported me. Unfortunately, we shared some mutual friends. Once again, the truth would greatly alter our friends' perception of said individual.
Work: I once managed a very polite, cheerful and friendly employee. However, this employee never produced any work. When I requested performance feedback from other people who had managed this employee before, they always said, "Oh, so-and-so is really nice." That was not the question that I had asked. When I was asked by my supervisor about so-and-so's performance, I was truthful in my response. My statement was based on specific, behavioral-based examples of so-and-so's failure to meet expectations. I was immediately scolded for providing such feedback. My honesty threatened to change the perception of said employee, not to mention my job.
Christianity: As if being a Christian isn't hard enough, we are continually required to redeem ourselves for foolish stunts like these. Christians quickly form perceptions of other people (non-believers) as well as other Christians. Many people have been put-off by Christianity, God, faith and religion. Can you blame them? I'm not saying that it's right to give up, but I can easily see why someone would react in this manner. We, as Christians have to concede to the truth that we are sinners. We cannot be hypocritical.
The answer: Are you ready for this? Honesty is the most important. Perceptions will always change - it's a flavor of the week. Truth is forever. So why is it so hard to be honest? Because it means that we will often stand alone - isolated by our peers. Why do we get so defensive and angry when we have to change our perceptions in light of what we know is true? Because it means we were wrong! It's okay - we're human!
The point: There will always be multiple sides to every story. Make sure to dismiss your perceptions. Seek the truth. It's not that hard to find - there's only one place you have to look...
God bless,
James
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Friday, August 31, 2007
My life as a car.
Picture, if you will...
DeLorean DMC-12
Manufactured 1979
Assembled 1981
Odd-looking
Stainless steel body parts
Not immediately accepted by the public
Way ahead of its time
Very rare
Featured in "Back to the Future"
Previous owners regret parting with them
2007 MSRP would be $62,300
Takes a special person to appreciate them
Me
Manufactured 1979
Assembled 1980
Odd-looking
Stainless steel body piercings
Not immediately accepted by the public
Too mature for my age
Very rare
Loves "Back to the Future"
Previous girlfriends regret parting with him
2007 MSRP is priceless
Takes a special person to appreciate him
DeLorean DMC-12
Manufactured 1979
Assembled 1981
Odd-looking
Stainless steel body parts
Not immediately accepted by the public
Way ahead of its time
Very rare
Featured in "Back to the Future"
Previous owners regret parting with them
2007 MSRP would be $62,300
Takes a special person to appreciate them
Me
Manufactured 1979
Assembled 1980
Odd-looking
Stainless steel body piercings
Not immediately accepted by the public
Too mature for my age
Very rare
Loves "Back to the Future"
Previous girlfriends regret parting with him
2007 MSRP is priceless
Takes a special person to appreciate him
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Traveling alone, single-serving friends and being a minister of God...
After plans of going to Vegas kept falling through, I whimsically chose to do the trip on my own. I've traveled alone many times, but I've always had friends or family at my destination. This is the first time that I took a vacation by myself.
With plenty of things to do in Vegas, I started to concern myself with the actual travel. The hours preceding my flight were filled with nerves and anticipation. I started to wonder if my social isolation would drive me to the brink of insanity or cause me to learn more about myself than I cared to know. I then asked God to use me as a minister for his will. It's fun to initiate conversation with a total stranger - knowing you'll probably never see them again. However, I wanted to see if I could have a quality conversation about my favorite topic - God. What if I was the closest thing to God that anyone I met would ever know? Scary, I know... :) Wouldn't it be nice to share some of my experiences in hopes that it would inspire someone to long for a closer relationship with Him?!
My first flight from Austin to Denver was rather uneventful. I sat next to an elderly couple that seemed not only uninterested in talking to me, but a little uneasy by my presence. A message to said generation: Not all young people are drugged-up, sex-crazed, disrespectful hooligans.
My connecting flight that day was a different experience. I was seated, awaiting take-off. A young woman sat next to me and asked me how long the flight was. I answered and then asked a series of generic questions - just to feel her out. I noticed that she had a ring on her finger and asked how long she had been engaged/married. This is when the conversation took-off. She met her husband on the praise and worship team of her church. We shared our experiences with our faith and talked about our churches. It was a wonderful conversation. She then asked why I was going to Vegas. I told her my situation, my previous concerns and the belief that God wanted me to go for a reason. She then told me, "You're doing the right thing. Good for you." Our plane landed and we walked to claim our bags. After we said our good-byes, I realized that she was a minister to me on that flight. She reassured me, gave me hope (the story of her marriage was awesome), lifted me up and helped me understand that God was talking to me. What a great single-serving friend!
My time in Vegas was wonderful (as always). I got to see and do things that I haven't had a chance to do before. My return flight was fast-approaching and I started for the airport.
Check-in was a disaster. I found myself asking, once again, why I agreed to fly Continental. My tickets somehow "dropped out" of the system. I can't win the lottery, but I can sure be "randomly" selected for Security Screening at any airport. The only thing lacking was a body-cavity search...
Once again, my first flight was rather uneventful. I sat next to an elderly couple with some apparent health issues. They didn't really seem to be in the mood for conversation - just sleep. I arrived in Houston for my connecting flight.
My flight was delayed. Why did I fly Continental again? However, I tried to approach the question with more maturity. Why was my flight delayed? It was not an inconvenience, it was for a reason. I just had this feeling. God was setting this whole thing up so that I would encounter something or someone at just the right time. I even told this to a friend over the phone as I waited. We made a joke that I would meet someone interesting and it would only be for the 30 minutes it would take to fly home.
I finally boarded and I took my seat. The seat next to me remained empty. Boarding was complete, but the cabin doors were still open. God then told me that the seat next to me would be filled and to do his will. Seconds later, a young woman in a flight-attendant's uniform took the seat next to me. She looked exhausted. She let out a sigh and rested her eyes. I turned my reading light off in hopes that it would make her more comfortable. A few seconds later, she stirred and I asked if she was headed home. She stated that she was and that due to my delayed flight, she was able to go home earlier than she anticipated. Bingo! - the reason. She immediately sprang up in her seat and started talking to me. She was suddenly all-smiles. She asked me advice on what to buy her brother for his birthday and asked about my trip. I told her that God told me to take this trip and mentioned my desire to do his will. She then told me about her experience with God (raised Presbyterian, like myself) and how she was striving and praying for a closer relationship with him. She also mentioned the last message she heard about church and its ministers. She then made the allusion that I was being a minister to her! Wow! Did I succeed? Someone who gets it! I asked her name and introduced myself (after talking for about 30 minutes). I took out my prayer list and added her name to it. She asked what I was doing. I told her that I would help her pray for her relationship with Christ. As we landed and got off the plane, we walked towards the baggage claim. She was on her way home and I needed to get my bag. I extended my hand to say my good-bye and that it was a pleasure to meet her. She dropped everything and wrapped her arms around me. I hadn't had a hug in a while. I noticed at that point that being a minister of God allows you to make ministers of other people. I'll always remember my single-serving friends...
With plenty of things to do in Vegas, I started to concern myself with the actual travel. The hours preceding my flight were filled with nerves and anticipation. I started to wonder if my social isolation would drive me to the brink of insanity or cause me to learn more about myself than I cared to know. I then asked God to use me as a minister for his will. It's fun to initiate conversation with a total stranger - knowing you'll probably never see them again. However, I wanted to see if I could have a quality conversation about my favorite topic - God. What if I was the closest thing to God that anyone I met would ever know? Scary, I know... :) Wouldn't it be nice to share some of my experiences in hopes that it would inspire someone to long for a closer relationship with Him?!
My first flight from Austin to Denver was rather uneventful. I sat next to an elderly couple that seemed not only uninterested in talking to me, but a little uneasy by my presence. A message to said generation: Not all young people are drugged-up, sex-crazed, disrespectful hooligans.
My connecting flight that day was a different experience. I was seated, awaiting take-off. A young woman sat next to me and asked me how long the flight was. I answered and then asked a series of generic questions - just to feel her out. I noticed that she had a ring on her finger and asked how long she had been engaged/married. This is when the conversation took-off. She met her husband on the praise and worship team of her church. We shared our experiences with our faith and talked about our churches. It was a wonderful conversation. She then asked why I was going to Vegas. I told her my situation, my previous concerns and the belief that God wanted me to go for a reason. She then told me, "You're doing the right thing. Good for you." Our plane landed and we walked to claim our bags. After we said our good-byes, I realized that she was a minister to me on that flight. She reassured me, gave me hope (the story of her marriage was awesome), lifted me up and helped me understand that God was talking to me. What a great single-serving friend!
My time in Vegas was wonderful (as always). I got to see and do things that I haven't had a chance to do before. My return flight was fast-approaching and I started for the airport.
Check-in was a disaster. I found myself asking, once again, why I agreed to fly Continental. My tickets somehow "dropped out" of the system. I can't win the lottery, but I can sure be "randomly" selected for Security Screening at any airport. The only thing lacking was a body-cavity search...
Once again, my first flight was rather uneventful. I sat next to an elderly couple with some apparent health issues. They didn't really seem to be in the mood for conversation - just sleep. I arrived in Houston for my connecting flight.
My flight was delayed. Why did I fly Continental again? However, I tried to approach the question with more maturity. Why was my flight delayed? It was not an inconvenience, it was for a reason. I just had this feeling. God was setting this whole thing up so that I would encounter something or someone at just the right time. I even told this to a friend over the phone as I waited. We made a joke that I would meet someone interesting and it would only be for the 30 minutes it would take to fly home.
I finally boarded and I took my seat. The seat next to me remained empty. Boarding was complete, but the cabin doors were still open. God then told me that the seat next to me would be filled and to do his will. Seconds later, a young woman in a flight-attendant's uniform took the seat next to me. She looked exhausted. She let out a sigh and rested her eyes. I turned my reading light off in hopes that it would make her more comfortable. A few seconds later, she stirred and I asked if she was headed home. She stated that she was and that due to my delayed flight, she was able to go home earlier than she anticipated. Bingo! - the reason. She immediately sprang up in her seat and started talking to me. She was suddenly all-smiles. She asked me advice on what to buy her brother for his birthday and asked about my trip. I told her that God told me to take this trip and mentioned my desire to do his will. She then told me about her experience with God (raised Presbyterian, like myself) and how she was striving and praying for a closer relationship with him. She also mentioned the last message she heard about church and its ministers. She then made the allusion that I was being a minister to her! Wow! Did I succeed? Someone who gets it! I asked her name and introduced myself (after talking for about 30 minutes). I took out my prayer list and added her name to it. She asked what I was doing. I told her that I would help her pray for her relationship with Christ. As we landed and got off the plane, we walked towards the baggage claim. She was on her way home and I needed to get my bag. I extended my hand to say my good-bye and that it was a pleasure to meet her. She dropped everything and wrapped her arms around me. I hadn't had a hug in a while. I noticed at that point that being a minister of God allows you to make ministers of other people. I'll always remember my single-serving friends...
Sunday, August 26, 2007
My trip to AutoZone.
Today, our church celebrated its 3rd birthday. I realize that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was an awesome day.
I woke up this morning with plenty of time to get ready, go to the store (so I had something for the picnic) and get to church ON TIME (which is very important to me). I woke up, read the Word, got ready, jumped in my truck and turned the key. Nothing. Great. Now, "old James" would have put his fist right through the windshield (okay maybe not that, but some choice words would have been used at length and with total conviciton). Something would have definitely been thrown, too. Ever see the movies where birds scatter at the echo of a well-yelled curse word? Yeah - that used to be me. Instead, I calmly called a friend and she picked me up, drove me to the store (she needed something, too) and took me to church. See? Not so bad. I can get over this.
Church was awesome and I enjoyed some GREAT fellowship. Pics can be found under "The Connection Church" album. My friend dropped me off and even jumped my truck so I could take it to AutoZone.
Today has been one of the hottest days in a while. Our service and activities were outside and it was SWELTERING! I was tired, exhausted and sweaty. I know - gross, right? I finally make it to AutoZone w/ no A/C. I wait in line for what seems to be somewhere between 5 and 6 hours. I finally get my vehicle tested. The battery. Yeah, I pretty much knew. Of course, I had to turn the vehicle off to test the battery. I walk inside and make an extremely UNPLANNED purchase for the week. I walk outside, get in the truck and turn the key. Nothing. I was pretty much counting on this. No big deal - I grab my tools and get to work. Besides, I won't have to make 2 trips to dispose of my old battery and get my $12 core-charge. I get to it.
Did I mention that it was hot today? My tools started to burn me. The concrete baked my feet from underneath me. The store was busy. Cars and exhaust made the parking lot pretty toasty. Sweat poured from me like a faucet. My t-shirt was soaked. Why was it so hot? More importantly, why was I so WET?
Oh, could it be the freakin' thunderstorm I was in? Yeah. It was sunny as it could be, too! What is that about? Why couldn't I have 5 minutes? There wasn't a cloud in the sky all day - not even now! I continued with my work. Yeah, you know in the rain... with wet hands... metal tools and a battery... standing in a puddle, no less. Smart... I've already told you my short-comings with electricity this year.
Yes. Needless to say, I was quite uncomfortable - trying my best not to touch certain metal parts of said project. I ran inside, deposited my old battery and headed home. As I left the parking lot, I commended God on his sense of humor. Then I asked myself what I was supposed to take away from this experience. Maybe it was just a test of patience. Maybe God just wanted to see if I'm willing to walk in faith like I say I am. Or... Maybe I just needed another stupid story to tell.
God bless,
James
I woke up this morning with plenty of time to get ready, go to the store (so I had something for the picnic) and get to church ON TIME (which is very important to me). I woke up, read the Word, got ready, jumped in my truck and turned the key. Nothing. Great. Now, "old James" would have put his fist right through the windshield (okay maybe not that, but some choice words would have been used at length and with total conviciton). Something would have definitely been thrown, too. Ever see the movies where birds scatter at the echo of a well-yelled curse word? Yeah - that used to be me. Instead, I calmly called a friend and she picked me up, drove me to the store (she needed something, too) and took me to church. See? Not so bad. I can get over this.
Church was awesome and I enjoyed some GREAT fellowship. Pics can be found under "The Connection Church" album. My friend dropped me off and even jumped my truck so I could take it to AutoZone.
Today has been one of the hottest days in a while. Our service and activities were outside and it was SWELTERING! I was tired, exhausted and sweaty. I know - gross, right? I finally make it to AutoZone w/ no A/C. I wait in line for what seems to be somewhere between 5 and 6 hours. I finally get my vehicle tested. The battery. Yeah, I pretty much knew. Of course, I had to turn the vehicle off to test the battery. I walk inside and make an extremely UNPLANNED purchase for the week. I walk outside, get in the truck and turn the key. Nothing. I was pretty much counting on this. No big deal - I grab my tools and get to work. Besides, I won't have to make 2 trips to dispose of my old battery and get my $12 core-charge. I get to it.
Did I mention that it was hot today? My tools started to burn me. The concrete baked my feet from underneath me. The store was busy. Cars and exhaust made the parking lot pretty toasty. Sweat poured from me like a faucet. My t-shirt was soaked. Why was it so hot? More importantly, why was I so WET?
Oh, could it be the freakin' thunderstorm I was in? Yeah. It was sunny as it could be, too! What is that about? Why couldn't I have 5 minutes? There wasn't a cloud in the sky all day - not even now! I continued with my work. Yeah, you know in the rain... with wet hands... metal tools and a battery... standing in a puddle, no less. Smart... I've already told you my short-comings with electricity this year.
Yes. Needless to say, I was quite uncomfortable - trying my best not to touch certain metal parts of said project. I ran inside, deposited my old battery and headed home. As I left the parking lot, I commended God on his sense of humor. Then I asked myself what I was supposed to take away from this experience. Maybe it was just a test of patience. Maybe God just wanted to see if I'm willing to walk in faith like I say I am. Or... Maybe I just needed another stupid story to tell.
God bless,
James
Thursday, August 23, 2007
What I've learned in the last 365 days.
As I complete another revolution around the sun, I would like to share what I've learned in the last 365 days.
God.
Being a Christian is hard.
Sin takes you farther than you want to go, keeps you longer than you want to stay and costs you more than you want to pay.
God has a purpose for ALL of us.
Being blessed by God and being used by God are two, completely different things.
Believe to receive.
Bless to be blessed.
Put your feet to your faith.
Personal Growth:
I don't need someone to be with me to enjoy certain activities. Drinking coffee, taking a trip and going to concerts are all things that I can do alone. Having someone there doesn't necessarily mean that they will enhance the experience in any way. In fact, some will bring you down.
Friendships and Relationships:
Lonliness leads to settling.
Most of the time, I can only relate to people 30 years of age and older.
There is no such thing as a "bad friend." These people aren't your friends.
Sometimes you have to cut-out people who bring you down or drain you emotionally and spiritually.
God puts people in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
MOST people don't know what they want.
Birthdays:
I will probably never have a good birthday.
Your birthday is more for your family and friends than it is for you. Let them celebrate it!
Electricity:
Capacitors hurt.
God.
Being a Christian is hard.
Sin takes you farther than you want to go, keeps you longer than you want to stay and costs you more than you want to pay.
God has a purpose for ALL of us.
Being blessed by God and being used by God are two, completely different things.
Believe to receive.
Bless to be blessed.
Put your feet to your faith.
Personal Growth:
I don't need someone to be with me to enjoy certain activities. Drinking coffee, taking a trip and going to concerts are all things that I can do alone. Having someone there doesn't necessarily mean that they will enhance the experience in any way. In fact, some will bring you down.
Friendships and Relationships:
Lonliness leads to settling.
Most of the time, I can only relate to people 30 years of age and older.
There is no such thing as a "bad friend." These people aren't your friends.
Sometimes you have to cut-out people who bring you down or drain you emotionally and spiritually.
God puts people in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
MOST people don't know what they want.
Birthdays:
I will probably never have a good birthday.
Your birthday is more for your family and friends than it is for you. Let them celebrate it!
Electricity:
Capacitors hurt.
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